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Please read the letter writing format instructions first BEFORE using this helping tool. It's always best to use your own words, however, this could inspire on what should be included. 



Dear ______________; (Parent and Caregiver)



I am writing to express my hurt and struggle because of the experiences and patterns of my past related to you.  When I was a child, your behaviors and beliefs really affected me. I was hurt when you _______________ as it made me feel __________________. Also, when you did _________________, it made me feel _________________. I did not like when you ________________ because I felt _________________. When you ________________, it hurt me because _________________. This even affects me today.  Due to the judgments I carry related to you doing _____________, ___________ and ____________ to me, I only attract people into my life that treat me the very same way. Your treatment of me still haunts me today. I don’t want to ache or suffer from this anymore, so I am letting you know that even though you did hurt me, I am ready to understand why you did. I am ready to understand what I have done to repeat this pattern and I am ready to forgive. That is what this letter is intended to do.


Even though I grew up feeling _______________, I now I choose to see myself differently. I choose to be ________________. Even though I avoid ________________ because of my upbringing, I presently choose to go forward by doing _________________ from now on. Even though I grew up afraid I was _______________ , I now I choose to see myself as capable to be ________________ and will have the courage to prove it.

(PART 2A-2D)

I know that patterns repeat until they are healed. I see that I have perpetrated or perpetuated these same behaviors on to others as well. I am guilty of ________________ where I had repeated the same pattern just like you. I also am guilty of ________________ to myself because that is what I had learned from you as a child. I have also repeated the pattern of _________________and ______________ by doing the same to others by ______________. I also thought I was fixing the problem when I did the opposite of you by ________________. I recognize now that I was over-correcting and was causing the same pattern in the generation below me. I passed it to ______________ by doing/being ______________. I will seek their forgiveness too.


(Don’t forget to own in a separate acknowledgement, letter or communication what you must apologize for to those you discover you have affected with this pattern too.)


I must also forgive myself for ignorantly repeating the same patterns as you gave to me that I gave to them. I thought I was fixing the issue, but in actuality, I was failing. You must have thought you were fixing it too in some way from your family of origin or didn’t even know that you could not follow the same traditional belief that ________________. I remember you told me that in your childhood, you _______________.  You must have felt similar in reference to them as I do you. I believe we are in the same boat here and must give ourselves a break. Because we are both guilty of the same behaviors and beliefs, I can forgive you for unknowingly perpetrating the patterns of _______________ on to me because you were also a victim of this pattern by _______________ when you were a child too. I forgive you for you knew not what you were doing, nor did I, so I forgive me too. May we grow and learn from this viral pattern and overcome it completely through understanding it through and through.

(PART 3)

I know that all that I have endured is purposeful to my unique design; because I had to experience _______________ from you, as well as, perpetrated the same onto others, I have gained the knowledge of _____________. I am grateful for having to suffer the hurt and pain that I did, because from it I learned ______________ about myself. I can see now that I had to experience ______________ because it made me who I am today by _______________. It made me seek _______________ which designed a passion in me to do/be _________________. I appreciate the opportunity to gain valuable insight about myself by having to experience ________________ from you. I know longer feel victim to you or my past because I have developed_______________, I have more ___________________, I have a sense of _________________, I wouldn’t be __________________ without it. All in all, my story with you is now a blessing to me. Thank you for participating in my life. I know you were doing what you could from your perspective, and I was from mine until today. Together now, we both can truly move forward in our personal lives with no tension or emotional attachments. We are free to be our optimum selves.

(PART 4: Read aloud with feeling as if you were reading it to your parent/caregiver in front of trusted witnesses. It is important to get authentic with this parent/caregiver if you plan to maintain a relationship with them, whether you read this to them or not.)


With gratitude, forgiveness and understanding,


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