For-give-ness Letters for Caregivers, Abusers and Ex-Partners


Transfiguring your past from the perspectives of the three persons in you; your inner child, the present you and the optimum you that is attempting to come into being, is the most essential step in the healing process. Energetically, it is quite expensive to have emotional attachments to the past by way of your inner child in relation to your family of origin because it keeps provoking the same patterns to reemerge in the present moment time and time again.  By transfiguring the past, or your shadow side, you exorcise your limitations and make available much more energy for unfolding joy in the present moment and the future “nows” to come. You will also eradicate viral patterns that are passed down the generations of your family, or otherwise called exorcising demons. I like to call it debugging your software code that uploads your reality experiences. That is why all religions teach forgiveness of the past, to love and forgive your enemies and to not judge yourself or others in the present.  However, there is a great deal of misunderstanding of how one is to forgive. This is a For-give-ness exercise, however, forgiveness is quite different than what most people think it is.


Let’s first discuss what forgiveness is NOT:

It is NOT “letting something go” or “getting over it”

It is NOT “taking the higher road”

It is NOT pretending it didn’t happen

It is NOT saying "it's in the past, move on"




For-give-ness is PROPERLY instituted by seeing the viral pattern information (bad deeds - sin - faulty beliefees) as separate from the persons or individuals that carried out the destructive instruction sequences. This is what Don Miguel Ruiz was sharing in Four Agreements of not taking anything personally. This process is powerful because it helps you to detect how a destructive beliefee or behavior pattern, which I most often refer to as a viral program, rather than "demon" slips from generation to generation without detection. If you learn how it operates by tracking it from person to person or generation to generation, then you can disable it and transfigure it to work for you and not against you. Calling out a demon by name is the same as understanding how a viral program has operated in your family’s lineage; causing feelings of unworthiness through victim/perpetrator perspectives held by the family members and permeating destructive man-i-festations into reality in all realms that are reflective of the viral pattern. This can include health, relationships, occupation, finances, intelligence, etc.


A passed down, defunct viral program eventually portrays itself as genetic or inherited behavioral, relational, emotional or physical issues, ailments, diseases or pain. Mapping these issues in your family will help you better inform yourself to call this demon by name, so to speak, so that you can disarm this viral program and its destructive effects. Revealing or uncovering the family’s skeletons in the closet and studying these in order to identify the associated patterns is much easier to do when you are able to examine at least three generations. To diagram this, a genogram may be quite useful. The letter writing process that I am taking you through is designed to energetically dispel any e-motions (definition is lack of motion in one or more of your chakras that causes physical & chemical issues in the individual) that you have not allowed yourself to express for one reason or another. It's time to process traumas defaulted false beliefees ignorantly constructed as an effect of the suppression of emotions. Scientifically, we are debugging and re-routing synaptic data in the amygdales and the hippocampus of the brain.

When you complete each of your letters, you will find that supernatural (miraculous) physical, emotional, situational and relationship healings will take place in your life. These letters are meant for your individual healing and do not have to be sent or given to the people involved unless you feel it would be advantageous to do so or if you cannot speak authentically with them. If indeed this is something that you feel called to do, be sure to read it aloud to them if you can as opposed to simply just giving it to them. Be sure to include a copy of this letter writing process with them prior to your sharing, so that they understand your intention of the engagement as healing and not blaming. Healing will occur on both behalves with or without sharing the information in a physical sense. Please do not be dissuaded from writing these out for the mere fact that you can’t even fathom sharing this information with the subject individual. I repeat that you do NOT have to share this with them. This is for YOUR healing. Do it for YOU and for those around you presently.


The first step prior to beginning this letter writing process is to take the time and focus on what you are still hanging on to or who you are still attached to from the past. I prefer for clients to go on a walk first to gain insight through the bilateral stimulation of the left and right hemispheres that walking offers. When you return, sit quietly with yourself with the intent to bring to your conscious mind any situations/people that you harbor resentment or guilt feelings for. On a piece of paper, make a list of anyone that springs to mind. Do not resist writing someone down because you think it is too minor. If you are having a difficult time, please refer to my worksheets, that will allow you to make a list and associate dislikes, resentments or regrets and then note the people associated with these situations.


Now, prioritize this list of people. Take the first person on your list that you have the most unresolved feelings for and move on to the next step. My advice is to always begin with either mom or dad (caregivers) first as this illuminates many of the subsequent patterns with romantic partners, grown children or ex-spouses when you approach their letters later. Don't write both of them at the same time, only one or the other. (Write to them, even if either of your parents were completely absent from your life, as this will explain a lot about attachment & relational issues presently. Any and all abandonment pain must be addressed, expressed & transformed. If they are no longer living today, it is still greatly important to write these and share them.)





You need to upload the Lords Prayer or the Directly Translated version of the Lord's Prayer first and foremost to upload the anti-virus software that will flush what needs cleaning to the surface.

You should be speaking it aloud everyday with strong feeling and understanding, but especially upload it prior to writing your letter. This will enable a grace period of time while you work to keep it from infecting your current reality structure.



PART 1A: Expressing Your Locked Up Emotions as the Victim to Get Your Voice

Write in first person like you are speaking to this person right in front of you. Say everything that was left unsaid and restate what (power) it is that you sense you lost at the time. Express all of the pain, anger or grief you felt in the past and also presently. Again, please write this in first person. It makes a big difference when you read your letter out loud during the speaking PART 4 phase.


PART 1B: Restate Your Worthiness that was Once Lost!

Now write in "I am" statements what you are restoring back to you that you once believed this person took from you.


IMPORTANT: It is most helpful to take a walk prior to writing as this opens up your insight (connection to higher power or highest perspective) and can offer insights by gaining a new perspective due to bi-lateral stimulation with which to see this situation or relationship.  


EXAMPLE: If you lost your voice, then you would restate;


A: "I am angry and hurt that you did not listen to my pleas for help or my desires of what I wanted to do with my life. For years I have lived with feelings of insecurity and for this I am sad, angry, depressed and ashamed. You should have allowed me to speak my mind. You were wrong for not teaching me that I am important and that I am worthy of speaking.


B: Today, I am choosing to see myself as important & do know that my voice is worth hearing. From now on, I will invoke it with love, tactfulness and mutual respect when I have something to express or share. I will honor myself, despite the fact that you did not. You no longer hold my power. I am reclaiming it."



“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven” --Christ

Luke 6:37



When we feel victimized, it stimulates us to judge our perceived perpetrator. That’s where the urges to enact poor behaviors come from. Judging actually generates urges within you to evoke in you the very same behaviors as the person(s) you judged. You either acted these urges out and became the perpetrator of the very same act to another, passing the viral pattern along or you have denied these urges as they have arisen, thinking that you won't pass it along. The disturbing fact here is, if you deny urges that arise, they actually begin to accumulate in your chakra field and eventually begin to effect the physical or chemical aspects of your body, creating emotional issues, physical disease (cancer) or injury (pain). Meaning, that you actually gave the viral program to yourself instead, and in so doing, you perpetrated yourself, making you both the perpetrator & victim; which still puts you in the shoes of your perpetrator of Part 1. This will assist you to understand the non-intention of your loved one harming you, and see their unintentional ignorance; just as you repeated this pattern in ignorance also. This allows you to integrate com-passion. If you are in their shoes, un-be-knowingly perpetuating the same pattern, then was it personal? Nope. Only true forgiveness can happen when you understand that it was viral, not personal, and that there really is nothing to hold onto.

Perpetuating the pattern is a little different than perpetrating the pattern. It means you did the "opposite" of your perpetrator, but it still formulated the same pattern in those in the generation after you. An example of this is when I decided to be a permissive parent because my dad was too abusive and controlling. My son was not receiving enough discipline and would have grown up to be a boundary crossing, controlling narcissist just like my father. To top it all off, I learned that my dad's mother was permissive, alerting me that the pattern skipped a generation. Now, its called out by name and I can adjust my parenting style to correct the over-correction and have more understanding and forgiveness for my dad who was responding to the no-boundary rearing he received. He over-corrected also.


And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Luke 23:34


PART 2A: Recognizing & Taking Responsibility for Perpetrating or Perpetuating Similar Behaviors in the Past & Present to Yourself or Others

The topic(s) that you are addressing here is along the lines of: Where have you repeated the same pattern or have done the complete opposite? Without any doubt, you have given this viral program to others or quite possibly, yourself. You must discover how & where in order to fully understand the nature of this viral program & how it spreads to become the antidote. This is where you must become an objective investigator researching the nature of this viral program and how it worked its way through you to others. (Be aware that viral programs often skip a generation by flipping opposite judgments & resultant behaviors. For instance, a prude mother will parent a daughter who will be promiscuous who will become an overly open mother who will generate a prude daughter. Another example is that a strict parent usually produces an overly permissive parent creating the very same hardships for the offspring. These are harder to detect, but you must notice them.)


PART 2B: Restoring Power to Your Victims (including yourself) through Resolve and For-give-ness

Once you discover from whom you have taken power, it is important that you take responsibility for your part and give this power back. Seek resolve by reaching out to each victim. Restore the worthiness that you ignorantly took from them and set the record straight (turning the tables over in the temple to remove the imbalances caused by karma or the ledger).


PART 2C: Understanding the Compassionate “Being in their Shoes” Perspective: Relieving the Personal Attack Component from any Party Involved. (Forgive them for they Know Not what they Do; Separating the Behavior (Viral Program-Sin) from the Individual

Realizing that you have been both perpetrator & victim makes it easy for you to find compassion for those that you have resented in the past by putting you in the very shoes of the person you felt/feel resentment for when you were younger. This is now an opportunity to "understand" your enemy (love your enemy) to learn that the person you are writing to most likely didn't mean to affect you like they did. You will learn that they did not take your power on purpose or because you aren't worthy of love, attention, etc. They were acting out the same viral program. (Forgive them, for they know not what they do.  -Jesus Christ). It’s easy to forgive when you realize that neither you, nor did they know what they were doing. I forgive you. I forgive myself should be said in your letter along side I need make apologies to so-and-so and change my defunct behavior related to this irrational state of mind I have had.

PART 2D: Discerning and Transforming any Associated Destructive Beliefs and Making a Plan to Carry Out Apologies to Those You Have Harmed too

In addition, TAKING RESPONSIBILITY allows us to identify any false or destructive agreements/beliefees that need to be weeded from your garden as well. You must shift these beliefees or they will continue to attract the same destructive circumstance/event via the laws of manifestation & attraction that you would like to dispel even though you completed this process. You ABSOLUTELY MUST reach to all those you have harmed with the same pattern and apologize to break these patterns. Do Not forget to do so!


EXAMPLE: If you took someone else's voice AND/OR  didn’t speak up when you should have, then you would do the following: 

A: “I realize that I have passed on a destructive pattern to you that was done to be my dad."


B: Your voice is worth hearing and I apologize for not allowing you to have one. From now on I will allow you to share or express your feelings to me in a respectful manner, and I will listen with love, understanding and mutual respect. I will also speak up in an authentic way, so that I do not injure myself anymore.


C: I apologize for doing the same thing to you that my parents did to me. I realize now that my parents were just repeating what their parents had taught them and that they didn’t purposely teach me that I am not worthy to express myself. I forgive them because I really do understand how we ignorantly pass these along. I hope you can forgive me. I forgive myself too.


D: I realize now that my parent’s belief became my belief by default. I no longer believe that “You are to respect your elders and not ask questions when you are given direction" I will question authority respectfully when it doesn't feel right in my heart and I will allow my underlings to do the same.


See the Blessings in Disguise and Turn this Lead to Gold:


No regrets & no grudges! Going through the duality experience of perpetrator/victim brings you back into balance, but it will not stabilize in this balanced position unless you affix the perfection of this experience to the memory. You will discover that going without or feeling abandoned or neglected builds strengths, passions, gifts, aptitudes & relationships that would not exist presently; without all of the strife or suffering from before. In other words, all of the darkness that you have shined light upon in this process actually holds the keys to your Divine Life Purpose, and if acted upon, culminates into the very passions, directions, skills & strengths that you will joyfully utilize when operating at optimum (God’s will) capacity that will attract to you more blessings & joy than you could have ever imagined before in your unworthy, disconnected ego states.


Be sure to thank your loved one that played the perfect perpetrator or perpetuator for you to develop all of the hidden blessings that were reaped from your lack in relationship. Also, thank your higher power for the perfection of your being, now that you are capable to see it because you have finally released judgment for yourself and others. This is the part that makes it different from what you get in traditional therapy. You must change your story. No longer do you tell the same stories over and over seeking sympathy, that’s the victim’s way that only attracts more situations & circumstances to feel victimized. You now understand the higher purpose in suffering and will no longer participate in pity parties. This is where you understand the “bigger picture”! A good way to begin this part is to use phrasing similar to the following: “I am so grateful for this experience because today…“or “This experience was exactly perfect because I learned…”     


EXAMPLE: If you had an abusive father who battered you with defeating comments and was neglectful of your feelings and non-consoling, you would begin by thanking him. Write something similar to this: “I understand that you came from a difficult place in life, and just like me, did not know that you were passing along viral programs. I recognize that you were ignorant of what was really occurring just as I was as I perpetrated similar behaviors too.  Thank you, dad, for playing the perfect character in my life to teach me that I must love myself and build myself up, and that no one would do it for me. Thank you for teaching me self-reliance and how to forgive. Thank you for being all the things that I don’t want to be, so that I could easily recognize what I do want to be. I know that this experience was exactly perfect because I am now in a position to empathize and help others who are going through similar circumstances and I can be the example of how these experiences can serve them as they have me today. In addition, I have gained amazing skills during the course of our relationship. I became very intuitive because I was in a constant state of alertness & awareness in order to survive your perpetual beat-downs, which are now skills I regularly utilize as my work to thrive. In fact, I realize that I would go through this again in order to gain these, as this gift is what I most like about myself today as I serve God, others & myself with it. This brings me great joy and would not exist if we actually got along! Thank you, God, for giving me this perfectly strained relationship that made me search for comfort in YOU. All of these experiences have led me to this very moment, where I am becoming enlightened and for that, I am eternally grateful.”


After you transfigure your perspective of the past, meaning that you understand why you attracted the particular experience (LOVE YOUR ENEMY) by not involving yourself in the victim/perpetrator game or participate in fight or flight reactions, you will no longer focus any present thoughts on the past. By not focusing present energy on past events you cease to re-create the same or similar experiences in the future anymore because you have heeded your lessons and gleaned the blessings in disguise. 



Most important step!  


Sharing these out loud with witnesses are the very acts that shift, (MOVING MOUNTAINS) these information networks into full coherence, out of the amygdales (voids, abyss) for good. Your unique voice signature signals both hemispheres via the ears on each side of your being through bi-lateral stimulus techniques. The witness is important because it allows for you to be fully present, both the observer and the doer so that the Pineal function can rapture this information (cleanse and purify). This allows catharsis where information is rerouted in the brain away from the centers that allow it to be drawn into your environment through others again and again.


"For where two or three have gathered together in My (Christos function) name, I am there in their midst. "Matthew 18:20


Now that you have completed all three parts, share this ALOUD with entrusted individuals that support your healing journey. If you are short on friends and family, then seek a counselor who is knowledgeable in spiritual matters.  Share it several times. Keep sharing it until you feel that all of the e-motions attached to the person or situation are no longer there. It will feel as if it is old news and no longer important to share. Keep the letter for future generations as they may need family information in order for them to ascend.  Rejoice for you are healing on many levels. Expect SUPER-NATURAL changes in your physical, mental and emotional health. SUPER-NATURAL healing very often will occur within the relationships as well. Repeat this method with as many of the individuals on your list as necessary.

You will find that after you complete a few letters that you will only need to mentally fulfill the exercise with the remaining people on your list. If you are really hard on yourself, be sure to include a letter to you as well.

Congratulations on your courage to face your demons and slay those dragons with love and understanding, otherwise referred to as viral patterns or destructive patterns (past). Pat yourself on your back for a job well done and share your healing with anyone and everyone. Part three should have tipped you off to the purpose of the negative experiences that you have endured. Now, you are off to unfold your purpose and how to live joyfully in the present moment. May you allow the unfolding of, and delight in joy infinitely; there are a great many blessings in store for you as you learn what the Optimum Program (God) has in store for you.